Consumer Confidence Records All-time Low Obama Promises New Stimulus Will Finish the Pesky Index before the End of His First Term - A Parody

The New York-based Conference Board issued their monthly reading on consumer confidence at an all time low of 25, the lowest reading since the indexes start in 1967. January’s reading was an extremely low 37.4 and last February was a 76.4. The professionals that prognosticate such things saw a 35 in February and there were rumors that several of them were seen running through the halls of Congress cheering that finally there is something with a lower rating than Congress. The cheering soon ended when someone reminded the Representatives and Senators that only 12% (February’s Rasmussen Poll) of the American people think that Congress is doing a good job.

President Obama, when hearing the news, immediately called together his Cabinet of tax cheats, Lobbyists and a token Republican, rumored to be a senior Pennsylvania Senator, who together laid out a plan that will insure that the remaining 25 points left on the Index would be gone by the end of Obama’s first term. Obama wasn’t sure they could hit ZERO by the end of his first term but approved the measure anyway because he felt sure that it would work by the end of his second or third.