Cramer Nailed It - The Perfect Bank Bailout Plan A Parody

Tonight on his CNBC show Mad Money, Cramer presented his own bailout plan that should take care of both the housing crisis and a weakened financial system.

The first step that Obama should do is to purchase preferred non-voting stock from banks that require additional cash to meet a conservative asset-to-liability ratio. These preferred would carry a low percentage of interest and would be repurchased by the bank and not converted to common. That would protect shareholders from having their investment diluted and the banks from Nationalization.

The second phase would be to offer current and new home owners a 40 year fixed-rate government backed mortgage at 4%. This would reduce mortgage payments sufficiently so that most people could afford their payment even if they currently have negative equity. This would give those home owners time to turn negative equity around, bring new life to the housing market and make home ownership available to a wider range of people.

Obama at first dismissed these ideas as just chatter from the Chattering Class. But no one can accuse Obama of not being sharp. We’ll let the banks issue newly printed preferred non-voting stock and in exchange they will get newly printed dollars. Both the newly printed dollars and the newly shares will have about the same value that would make it an even trade. Besides, when the time comes he’ll just change his mind, a politician’s prerogative, and convert those preferred and we’ll end up owning those banks for next to nothing.

The government backed mortgage program had him confused for only a moment, he soon realized that this program could achieve the pinnacle of his dreams. As long as these sponsored mortgages had an inflation clause, when the dollar tanks by the endless printing of greenbacks, almost all families in America would be living in government owned housing.

Consumer Confidence Records All-time Low Obama Promises New Stimulus Will Finish the Pesky Index before the End of His First Term - A Parody

The New York-based Conference Board issued their monthly reading on consumer confidence at an all time low of 25, the lowest reading since the indexes start in 1967. January’s reading was an extremely low 37.4 and last February was a 76.4. The professionals that prognosticate such things saw a 35 in February and there were rumors that several of them were seen running through the halls of Congress cheering that finally there is something with a lower rating than Congress. The cheering soon ended when someone reminded the Representatives and Senators that only 12% (February’s Rasmussen Poll) of the American people think that Congress is doing a good job.

President Obama, when hearing the news, immediately called together his Cabinet of tax cheats, Lobbyists and a token Republican, rumored to be a senior Pennsylvania Senator, who together laid out a plan that will insure that the remaining 25 points left on the Index would be gone by the end of Obama’s first term. Obama wasn’t sure they could hit ZERO by the end of his first term but approved the measure anyway because he felt sure that it would work by the end of his second or third.